Allow me to begin by
formally introducing myself. My name is
Jana Haynes. I, as well as my partner,
Dannika and our family was recently featured on the Showtime documentary, L
Word Mississippi: Hate the Sin. Now that
we’re fast friends, please indulge me while I bend your ear on the L Word
Mississippi & the life after the show.
Life after the L Word…
Has been, well, just that – life; except for the whole TV thing of course. I can safely say we didn't have strangers on
our door step wanting photos & autographs before the show, or that our social
media was not over inundated by fans, nor did we receive harassing phone calls threatening
to force sexual intercourse with a donkey,
as our co-stars did (yes, that really
happened). So I guess that’s life after The L Word. We still wake every morning, prepare Kasen
for school, and begin our day. We still
come home, do homework, clean up “owies,” read bedtime stories and fight over
what a 4 year old thinks is an acceptable bed time (go figure). So, life is still…… life. Parts of our lives, however, have been
altered forever.
I must speak on the
overwhelming amount of mail, email, direct messages, comments, etc. we have
received, being fortunate enough to be featured by Showtime in L Word
Mississippi. The fans of this show and
The L Word Franchise have welcomed us with open arms. And it is encouraging to
know that there are thousands, even millions of fans out there who found hope
in the most destitute of circumstances through Dannika, Kasen, and my story, as
well as the rest of the cast. The experience will forever resonate and humble
us in the most awe-inspiring way. “Thank
you,” could never do justice to the amount of love and support you have given
us. You have changed our lives much more
than we could have ever changed yours.
Now, allow me to answer
the questions thousands of you have been asking. YES, my mother knows now. YES, she knew
before the show. NO, she is NOT happy
with it. NO, that does not alter my
belief in my love or my life. YES,
Dannika’s mom is coming around but she’s a work –in- progress. But aren't we
all? You see, it’s so easy to judge me
for not coming out until now, or to cringe at the thought of Dannika’s Mom
correlating homosexuality and pedophilia, but don’t we each have a truth? For some that truth is far too embarrassing
or painful to think of, much less share with an entire viewing audience on a
major network. Now clearly, to compare
pedophilia and homosexuality is the most absurd of comparisons and they bear no
likeness, but like Dannika’s mom, aren't we all a work in progress? So the fact is, this is our family…. And this
is our truth. When is the last time you
stood in your truth confidently, willingly, and without fear of judgment from
not only your inner circles but of the world?
Here’s another truth… I am gay, and I have
been closeted for years. And the closet
that once tortured me and made me question my very existence is now the door to
my destiny. To anyone reading this, man
or woman, whether you’re 15 or 50, whatever your truth is, I want you to know, its
okay. Maybe you are a gay man, or a straight
woman; maybe a garbage man or a doctor.
Maybe you are homeless, suffering from depression, or jobless. Maybe you’re single or from the projects. You could be a senator’s son, or a preacher’s
daughter. It’s possible that your son is
an addict…. Maybe you are. Maybe your
truth is something you want to shout from the highest mountain, or burry in the
deepest hole. But you see, coming out is
not just about being gay-coming out means standing in the truth of who God
created you to be, and to do so soberly, willingly and unapologetically.
The L Word Mississippi
transcends homosexuality. It is for the
Dr. Martin Luther King’s and Harvey Milk’s of the world. It is for the nameless soldiers buried at
Arlington Cemetery. It’s for the mother
who lost a child to a drunk driver or a child who lost a parent to
suicide. It is for every single human on
this planet, who is fighting a battle on someone else’s behalf. It is for those who fight for the voiceless,
the hopeless… the unwanted. It is for
those with “alternative lifestyle choices.”
It is for those who “look different,” “talk funny,” and don’t fit into
the mold society has created of trends, hash tags, selfies and popularity, but
the beauty is that it is also for those who do.
You see, if my/our
story did not evoke change, then it was all for naught. LB said it splendidly. “It’s funny how you
can be a full citizen in one zip code and a second class in another.” If we as a people aren’t moved to reach for
love instead of hate, hope instead of despair and peace instead of persecution,
then we are writing our own death sentences.
Our moral insufficiencies will result in our physical demise. So, how’s life MY life after L Word Mississippi? The true question is…. How is YOURS?
One fan asked, “Why don’t you leave? Why don’t
you do whatever you have to, even if it means selling the dog, to get the hell
out of there!?” I suppose I understand
those sentiments. I imagine moving to
New York or L.A., or a “Gay-friendly” city would be plausible, but in those
same breaths, I examine myself. What am I teaching a 4 year old little soul
that depends upon me for his very being?
What am I exhibiting to his 4 & 5 year old cousins about maintaining
your solidarity when the very walls around you are crumbling? What example have I set to my 16 year old
nephew- who’s growing into a man, with his own ideas, thoughts & opinions
about life and standing for what is right even when you stand alone? You see, we don’t stay here for us…. We stay
because we are told we shouldn’t. We
stay and bask in how “abnormal” we are in a “normal” world. We stay because there is some kid from some
impoverished neighborhood, maybe he’s gay, maybe he’s not, but he’s been told
he can never be an engineer or a fireman or a veterinarian or a professional
athlete because geography has dictated that he will not make it. Well, geography has dictated that Dannika and
I will never be married. Geography has
dictated that both of our names will never be on our future children’s birth
certificates. Our home state of
Mississippi has dictated that we will never share the rights that our parents
do, and THAT is why we stay. We stay
because over 200 years ago, the declaration of independence declared….
“When in the Course of human events,
it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have
connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the
separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God
entitle them a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they
should declare the causes which impel them to the separation. We hold these truths to be self-evident that
all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain
unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of
Happiness….” We stay because we are
pursuing happiness.
An immense thank you to
Ilene Chaiken, Lauren Lazin, Jaimie Cohen, Showtime and every single person who
had a hand in this project. And to the
readers, viewers fans and foes…. As us Southerners say – Much Oblige, my
friends…. Much Oblige.
Don't be afraid to be who you are no matter what! The truth WILL prevail! Loved the article and I am happy to know I went to high school with Dannika and I am so happy to know she has found her truth and is not afraid to share it with the world!
ReplyDeleteThank you for the update and for your leadership. Dannika's and your mother both have so much to be proud of. They raised good daughters. My mom (z"l) died on June 4th and I found a journal while my sisters and I were cleaning out the house. In it she wrote that she was angry with God for, "...throwing Sarah a curve ball" in making her (me) a lesbian. She may have been angry with God about it till she died, but ultimately, she acted accepting and was inclusive of my wife and me. With your mom, too, I want to believe it's a question of when, not if.... Wishing you well in your continuing pursuit.
ReplyDeleteHow beautifully spoken, Jana. I commend your courage and the courage of all people who have "stayed" on the front lines of every progress, every change. I don't think I possess that courage but if my kids or my grandkids do I pray that I can fan the flames and come alongside them.
ReplyDeleteHi Jana, I just saw part of the show, I just want to say that I'm a southern girl, straight, but I am SO SO SO proud when I see women stand up to ignorance and stand up for who you are!! I wish your families could just accept you and Dannika as a couple, not a "Lesbian" couple. Just keep on loving!! You do have lots of supporters out here!! I am praying that after the Orlando shooting, American's hearts will be softened towards the LGBT community!! We can always hope can't we!!
ReplyDeleteSo, I just watched this documentary last night...and I must say this; Mississippi reminds me a lot of Oklahoma. I've watched family members and friends go through the fear of "coming out the closet" and how I've seen it since I was in 3rd grade is this: Love who you love, as long as it's love. Do right by them, protect them/all the things you're supposed to do when you love someone. None of us can condemn anyone for anything, yet alone who they love. Sending love, peace, and prosperity to you, as well as everyone else in the state of Mississippi - Hate only begets hate.
ReplyDeleteOne Love.
So, I just watched this documentary last night...and I must say this; Mississippi reminds me a lot of Oklahoma. I've watched family members and friends go through the fear of "coming out the closet" and how I've seen it since I was in 3rd grade is this: Love who you love, as long as it's love. Do right by them, protect them/all the things you're supposed to do when you love someone. None of us can condemn anyone for anything, yet alone who they love. Sending love, peace, and prosperity to you, as well as everyone else in the state of Mississippi - Hate only begets hate.
ReplyDeleteOne Love.
Thank you for your honesty and for your courage to appear in the documentary. You are probably saving people's lives. Thank God my daughter, who is bisexual, did not have to fear coming out to me and my husband and can live her life freely. It broke my heart to see how some of you from the cast are treated by others where you live. I hope you know that there are, literally, millions who affirm your truth and will stand with you for your rights.
ReplyDelete- Ellen Hernandez, Collingswood, New Jersey